ABOUT JAN.....

An insight into the author....

Hello, my name is Jan and I welcome you all to my Beautiful Tired Mind or as we say in Welsh 'Croeso!'. Thank you for joining me, I hope with all my heart you find some comfort and support or even take away a little positivity from spending sometime inside my thoughts. Entering headlong into my half century during lockdown a few years ago having encountered on my path numerous difficulties in the shape of  Endometriosis, Grief, Anxiety and Depression, misdiagnosis and medical mismanagment  whilst being a full time wife and  mum and dealing with all of the other 'curve balls' of life. Previously diagnosed with ME in 2016 but now questioning the legitimacy of this due to discovering a serious failing in my medical care left me without HRT for the best part of 10 years, the symptoms and side effects of both conditions scarily very similar - I am indeed  a bundle of confusion with more ups and downs than your average roller coaster; I have at times, many times, hit rock bottom but have to date always succeeded in building myself back up stronger - I have also been on top of the world and on those days felt that I could take on the universe & it is this strength and resolution when digging deep I know we all have but sometimes simply do not have the self belief to trust in. To simply keep putting one foot in front of the other and painting on that smile every morning. Despite it all, like many others I am still standing, battle weary but still a warrior - and if by sharing my highs AND  lows I help just one person in  finding a light within a negative situation or tough period and change their life perspective to attempt to live a happier, guilt-free, confident and lighter life it will be worth it. Let go of perfection, I try daily - to let go of niggling feelings of not being worthy, imposter syndrome and expecting life to be good all of the time, for there to be no tests of resolution and willpower and for there to be no 'down' days or failure because at the end of the day we all know that's just not how life goes! Comparison and perfectionism and putting that kind of pressure on yourself is nothing short of destructive and will never end well. Despite what you may believe looking into someone else's' glass bowl; tough times and dark days are facts of life and pretty much true for the majority of us regardless of our station in life. Finally learning to slowly love and more importantly like myself along with treating me with as much care as I would a dear friend has become much easier than my old contradictory self could ever have imagined. Despite bumps in the metaphorical road which continue to come, I can now honestly say that I believe I am equal to anyone out there and that no one is "better than me" or more deserving of good things despite what the devil on my shoulder may try to tell me or you or even what other people may have led us to believe.  So cut out the negative self talk and repeat after me: Nobody is happy all of the time, no one has the perfect face, body, life, home, finances, no one is better or more deserving, while we may be on very different paths we are all equal and very worthy and loved despite our flaws - we are but an imperfect bundle of cosmic energy and a mere speck in the universe for a very small amount of time!...and we are enough and this is ok! I am going to embrace it, the good and the bad (to quote a phrase and the UGLY!) and continue to learn and grow, the only person I aim to be better than today is who I was yesterday - but I will not judge myself harshly or hate on myself for any mistakes and faux pars I know I will continue to make because that is where growth, strength and improvement lies.

Every precious moment counts and we have to take the good ones where we can, nothing is promised to any of us ....so POSITIVITY is where it's at!  X