Hiraeth is an unique Welsh word which has no literal translation in any other language and can only be described as the void in your heart when you miss someone or someplace so intensely it actually physically hurts. This weekend is the thirteenth year of the passing of my darling mother and whilst I will forever grieve her loss on a daily basis the "hiraeth" has been turned up a notch, as anyone who has lost a loved one will understand - anniversaries are hard! At a time when I am already struggling with a decline in my health i have made a conscious decision and said out loud "not this time!". I am not going to wallow in self pity, drink copious amounts of red wine (which is not a good idea when you have ME based alcohol intolerance) or even cry - i will instead cherish her memory, celebrate her life and remind everyone around me of what an absolutely amazing woman my mam was. Dilys was old school; while my dad (a wonderful man but that's for another story) worked hard to pay the bills and put food on the table, mam brought my brother and I up and was always there for us whilst still managing many part time jobs and being a friend to many. When we were little she was quite nervous and naive but with time as we grew so did her belief in herself and lets just say she grew into herself and her role. I would go as far as to say that the phrase "Though she be little, she is feisty" was written with her and her whole four foot eleven in mind. Her strength was shown when my father had to go abroad to find work and stayed in Sri Lanka for four years while this tigress handled two teenagers on her own. Sometimes we would push the limits but she could shoot us down with one look - mother was not one to be crossed. Yet at the same time, she was loving, comforting, warm, approachable and wise beyond her years despite no formal academic training, she seemed to have a grasp on life and in her last years became my best friend and confidant. The days and months following her leaving us were very tumultuous and dark for me, it has taken years to accept that although it was to early for her leave it was her chosen time, mam who had lost the love of her life 15 years prior had gone to be with him. So this week, we enjoy family photos, we raise a glass (just the one!) and we say thank you to the universe for lending her to us as she truly was one in a million - Janj X
