Tough week guys?

How are you guys doing right now? No, genuinely, are you ok? Is it me or did that meteor hitting earth in February cause a cosmic shift! Seriously has anyone tried switching the earth off and back on again because we seem to be dealing with a major planetary malfunction here.

Oh my, what a difficult and draining week this last ones been though hasn't it? I'm sure you've all felt it from the backlash to the Oprah interview with Harry & Meghan, whether you're for or against the monarchy, regardless of who you believe are the aggrieved party there is no doubt that it was indeed a very hard watch as was the fallout that followed with mud being slung into the ring from all directions and the hate and toxicity on social

media towards both sides of the fence being so absolutely dammed palpable; then to the cruel and shocking murder of a beautiful young woman allegedly by someone in our community whose job it is to uphold the law and protect us, her crime? simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time despite taking all the precautions one would expect a young lady walking city streets at night to take. Thinking about Sarah Everard, her family and friends physically hurt my heart even before the tragic news at the end of the week that her remains had been found in Ashford, Kent....this being my daughters old stomping ground that really hit it home - it quite rightly sparked a fury of debate and recriminations across the country on two separate points re the role of policing and police officers, and the fact that I even have to add "not all" is explanation itself as to the division between the force and the population they watch over and most importantly the hotly debated topic of women's safety in regards to many men's (again I reiterate not all but yes too many, or we wouldn't still be having this conversation surely!) seemingly predatory predisposition. Questions were asked as to why we're still no further ahead than in say 1986 - 34 bloody years ago when we were told of the disappearance of estate agent Suzy Lamplugh. Suzy was never found and she was presumed/declared officially murdered in 1994.

I don't know about you but by midweek I was struggling, jeez come on let's cut ourselves some slack here it's been a very long year and the only thing lower than my energy levels by Friday was my spirit. Even though I hasten to add I do count myself very fortunate in that the routine and toil of work keeps me going even though it exhausts me to the point of distraction at the same time, however I appreciate as hubby and myself have worked flat out since last June we don't have the financial worry of those left floundering on furlough or having lost jobs, their businesses or even in the worst scenario a loved family member. I cannot imagine the mental angst, grief and desperation for anyone finding themselves in any of these positions, it goes without saying I will always have a listening ear.

By Thursday I personally had hit a metaphorical wall, I wasn't quite myself and struggled throughout my day at work. Collecting our click & collect at our local supermarket en route to an evening date with my sofa I got in to a rather frightening altercation with a young man who having driven like a lunatic and cut me up at speed proceeded to try

and intimidate and bully me with verbal abuse, attitude and menace because in his arrogance he seemed to have decided that I and not he was at fault. Exasperated I called the Police then made my way home where I sat head in hands and sobbed before pulling myself together for the evening basking in the adoration of my pooches while I reflected in front of the fire. I decided to let it go and move on and in doing so I turned on the tv to be given a choice of light entertainment - I could either watch a recollection of events in Dunblane, and for those unaware - 25 years ago back in 1996 Thomas Hamilton a gun wielding loner with a grudge walked into a primary school in a small Scottish village and massacred 16 of the little mites and their teacher as we at home watched the events unfold live on morning telly OR on another channel the story of a 2 year old little angel named James Bulger who was abducted, heart wrenchingly seen on CCTV cameras innocently and so trustingly walking off hand in hand from a shopping centre in Liverpool with his abductors to be tortured and murdered by a pair of what must surely be the most evil and depraved 10 year old's to ever walk this earth - not only do I remember these happenings as if it were yesterday as I'm sure many of you do but also they affected me so very deeply at the time. I don't know about you but both events felt then as now, personal and real, they cut deep and never left me and in a week when the mental struggle was real it all just seemed to compound the desperateness of it all - my only option was to render the tv in the corner quiet. This week had by then already been a bit of a tough one, for me personally my illness has been rearing it's ugly head with flare ups, birthday anniversaries of lost loved ones and so on and for friends, family and even people I met randomly doing a shop you could just see they were are all barely coping and the UK if not the world seemed to be imploding. Don't get me wrong not for one minute do I say we should not remember these little souls, on the contrary I have never forgotten them - all I'm saying is these are not normal times, we are barely keeping our sh*t together and yes, IT IS HARD.

Oh the comparison of last Saturday when I was sitting on a fresh but cold beach in the February sun, breathing in life and chilling, felling pretty positive and then you fast forward to this week and well, I have spent most of my Saturday resting and in bed sleeping - no I'm not well generally but my chest physically aches with the burden of hate emitting from the world. I have palpitations and my heart rate it slow. Despite it all though, come Saturday evening I decided to get up for a while; I had a lovely chat with hubby, a cup of tea and a good laugh with Ant and Dec before returning to my bed - as a side note the house hasn't been cleaned today as is the usual weekend routine or at all this week, no laundry or vacuuming done, no bracing dog walks...I just don't have it in me and you know what in the big scheme of thing does it even matter? tomorrow is another day right?

Before you know it, it's Sunday, today I shall get myself back on track right? A good kick up the ar*se and positive thinking abound! but I then make the crucial mistake of turning the tv on again and you know what, we really were doing ok for a while, I was agog with wonder watching George Clark in his mind blowing architectural world and then feeling the tranquility whilst melting into the subtle tones of Monty Don in his paradisal garden - that was until the news headlines update crashed me back to reality - distressing scenes in the capital again at a planned vigil for Sarah Everard. We are in a pandemic, there should be no get togethers period, rallies, protests, vigils of any sorts. HOWEVER, we are human and these things affect us and need an outlet, the depth and feeling of the nation is strong and we are not a police state (well, not officially and not yet anyway!), or did we become North Korea and I missed it? Looking at the scenes from Clapham it certainly seems a little heavy handed for my liking. Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe has finally been released in Iran after five years of false imprisonment and detention including brutal torture both mental and physical only to be dragged back to court in front of the same judge on more trumped up spy charges - hello, UK government where are you? Why are we not pulling out all the stops to help this woman!

Breeeeathe.........Let's take stock - as harsh and hard as it sounds when relating all of this to the current and constant ongoing suffering of others...life goes on for the majority of us and in order to help those who cannot help themselves so must we. Physically today is not much better for me but mentally I am rising. As difficult as it is in the face of all this oppression, day by day we still have to believe that we, little old you and me can and will make a difference and we must keep chipping away against the constant barrage of hate and negativity, whatever your views and whatever "side" you find yourself and your honest beliefs on, whether it be by my side or opposite me, if your heart and intentions are good, I truly have no problem with that and will respect you, can you say the same? We have to readdress the balance with the good and the positive. Today is Mothers' day, I lost my mother 14 years ago but I feel nothing but love today for I too am a mum and I intend to cherish and be thankful for my own today as I send out such healing love whatever your situation or feelings are regards such days. Soon it seems we will finally and slowly return to a semblance of normal life, meet friends and family, go about our business rather than being held captive by this pandemic. Personally I am fortunate to have lost no one during this year, nor as far as I know has anybody in my inner circle but I must continue to be mindful and remind myself to be careful of people who have and are still going through the worst times of their lives or even to the non-believers who think rightly or wrongly that something is awry with the whole thing and feel victimized. The right to a voice is what keeps society civil, but that voice must also be used calmly and with empathy for others. Summer is on it's way and so we must believe are better days - yes, no doubt horrible things will continue to happen as unfortunately such is the circle of life, but it is so important for us to reclaim the love for one and other, the respect we seem to have lost for opposing views to our own. The want to help those in need or on different, more difficult paths to our own. Those with ideologies we may not understand or agree with or may not even want to at the end of the day - agreement is optional but respect must surely be obligatory.

Do one thing today that makes you feel better about the world - do you believe strongly about some misjustice happening right now? google it, learn the facts, find your cause - find a petition, sign it...add your voice and while the problems of the world wont disappear I promise your shoulders at least will feel a little lighter carrying them.